Transcripts

text | pdf |

---

DAN GUNDERSON: The small farm of Catherine and Bud Davis is perched on a Hillside in Minnesota Lake Country. In this bucolic setting, AIDS has left its mark. One son is dead. A second son is dying.

CATHERINE DAVIS: We had a Memorial service in our yard by the rock garden over here with mainly our family. And then, when his ashes came, then we buried the ashes. Catherine Davis has become something of a crusader since burying her first son. She has talked with dozens of groups at colleges, schools, and churches about AIDS and homosexuality. Catherine Davis says AIDS is a taboo subject among most friends and neighbors. They never ask about her son's illness. She says that silence hurts, but it's not kept her quiet.

Bud Davis used to take part in his wife's crusade. He no longer does. He says he couldn't stand the humiliation when he would break into tears in front of a crowd. He's not eager to talk about something, he says, torments him daily.

BUD DAVIS: I don't even know why I'm saying this to this microphone, but, you know, I can't seem to understand why that I had three homosexual sons. And it's really tough. It isn't something that I'm comfortable talking about to people like I would be for fishing or hunting or something.

DAN GUNDERSON: Still, Bud says keeping quiet would be worse.

BUD DAVIS: You'd be living in a shadow all the time of trying to-- You'd be keeping your mouth shut. You couldn't converse with your friends. You know, the thing would be an issue that-- No, it just wouldn't work. You've got to talk about it. You've got to come out if you're going to have any peace of mind of your own.

DAN GUNDERSON: 200 miles away, there is no peace of mind for Mike, who lives on a small farm in North Central Minnesota. Mike has told only his wife and parents about his AIDS. His teenage children don't know, and he lives in fear his neighbors will find out.

MIKE: I know that, if my neighbors knew, I have neighbors that would burn my house down. I know that without a question. And I've heard people up there make comments about killing everybody who has AIDS or HIV, and that they should all be put in a concentration camp and burned up and all these kind of crazy things.

DAN GUNDERSON: Mike says going public is too big a risk. He's seen what can happen.

MIKE: Not real far from where we live, a person who had AIDS was in the hospital, and some nurse's aide or nurse went and told somebody that there was a guy in the hospital. After that, he couldn't even buy gas at the gas station. I mean, that's how narrow minded some of these people are up there.

DAN GUNDERSON: Mike says he was infected 10 years ago when he lived in the Twin Cities. He was poked by a bloody hypodermic needle while cleaning up some trash. He says, if his friends found out he has AIDS, they would immediately assume he's gay.

LINDA BRANDT: The hatred is about homosexuality. It isn't about AIDS. The stigma is that gay men get AIDS.

DAN GUNDERSON: Linda Brandt is director of the Rural AIDS Action Network. She says Mike's fear of being found out is very real in rural Minnesota.

LINDA BRANDT: I know people that say that they were IV drug users so that no one would know that they were gay. I know people that say that they had a blood transfusion and that have admitted to me that they were really bisexual men.

DAN GUNDERSON: The Rural AIDS Action Network is trying to set up support networks for people with AIDS in rural areas of Minnesota. Brandt says the efforts of her group and others are often stymied by silence. People are afraid to attend support groups, afraid to tell anyone they or a family member have AIDS. Julie Bruin says that silence promotes denial and intolerance. Bruin heads the Fargo-based Valley AIDS Network.

She's also a nurse who cared for her first AIDS patient in a Fargo hospital a decade ago. She says it's unusual to find someone who doesn't know the basic facts about AIDS. But she says, until people are forced to confront the reality of AIDS infecting a friend, relative, or neighbor, they'll persist in believing it's a gay disease or an IV drug users disease.

JULIE BRUIN: And I think that's a big part of the education. It's not pushing AIDS facts. It's personalizing the dynamics of the family and the community in terms of what happens and what it's like. I think people really respond more to the personal side and the personal nature of this. Getting people to do that is very hard, and it's very scary. I mean, you can't blame them. It is very scary to open yourself up for an attack when you are already feeling very vulnerable.

MAXINE: I brought a picture of him, actually. That's my brother. This is the one.

SPEAKER 1: OK.

MAXINE: I just think for 31, he looks old. He's not real thin yet, but he's thin. He's 6 foot 2, and he's much thinner than-- the rest of us are short pudgies.

DAN GUNDERSON: Maxine has experienced the shock of being forced to confront aids. Maxine knows AIDS. She's a nurse who does AIDS education classes. But she says her family was not prepared when they were told her brother was gay and dying of AIDS.

MAXINE: My husband was dumbstruck, was actually physically ill for a couple of days. And, afterwards, he said, "I had made up my mind I would never know anyone who had AIDS. And so I decided I don't need to know anything about it." And I don't think that that's atypical when I look at the responses. It's, I'm never going to know anyone with this, so I don't have to deal with it.

DAN GUNDERSON: Maxine says she'd like to speak out about her experience, but she asked us not to identify her because to do so would alienate her siblings and parents. She fears going public with the disease would kill her mother. A deeply religious woman, Maxine took her burden to what she considered the most logical place, her church. She says her pastor listened, then never brought up the conversation again.

Linda Brandt of the Rural AIDS Action Network says that response is not unusual. She says there are many compassionate clergy in rural Minnesota churches, but many more who can't separate AIDS from the moral dilemma of homosexuality.

LINDA BRANDT: And as long as people hear that this is God's revenge in the pulpit, I don't think we're going to have much luck changing attitudes of the youth and people that are hearing that message, because clergy really are the spokespeople. They really are perceived as the leaders of the community.

DAN GUNDERSON: Linda Brandt and other AIDS educators see the church as crucial to changing attitudes toward AIDS in rural Minnesota. Reverend Arlen Hermodson agrees. Hermodson is bishop to more than 200 Lutheran congregations in Northwestern Minnesota. He says the church will continue to wrestle with the issue of homosexuality. But he says churches who condemn those with AIDS are wrong.

ARLEN HERMODSON: We do not judge people that abuse themselves if they smoke too much. We still visit them in the hospital. We pray for them when they have cancer. It seems to me the church has got to get to the point where we do the same thing with people that have AIDS.

DAN GUNDERSON: Hermodson says his support of AIDS victims caused one family to leave a rural church he served before becoming bishop. But he says he's also seen congregations be very supportive of people who have AIDS. He says people who fear retribution may be surprised how compassionate their friends and neighbors would be if given the chance.

Renee Stephan has seen a community rally to support people with AIDS. She's AIDS education coordinator for St. Joseph Hospital in Brainerd. Two years ago, she organized the only support group for people with AIDS in rural Minnesota. Some travel 150 miles to attend. Stephan says she's been amazed by the community support from financial donations to a day of prayer for AIDS victims. Renee Stephan has no doubt she's been successful because most local churches have given their blessing to her efforts.

RENEE STEPHAN: The church, especially in the rural areas, is kind of the pulse of the community. And, oftentimes, that may be where the person or family member is going to go to first when they find out about this either with themselves or the family member. And I think that's been a key to our success, is using those church communities. That's what pulls people together.

DAN GUNDERSON: Stephan says rural communities have a reputation for supporting neighbors in need, but she says many communities are unaware people with AIDS live in their midst. I'm Dan Gunderson, Minnesota Public Radio, Moorhead.