I don't think you have an obligation in the world to believe even one word. I say until you know who lives inside this relatively fat body. I always like to start a talk by telling someone who I am. I called that self-disclosure. I think relationships are enhanced when one person tells another who he or she is I've been doing this now for some time and when I got off the airplane at Green Bay, Wisconsin, the principal who had introduced me to his group said how shall I present you you refuse to send that information I requested and I said, why don't you just say Jim Curran is here and he's on time. He said well, I really should say more than that after all. This is a School faculty. I said you won't have to because at the beginning of my talk, I do a thing called self-disclosure where I tell the people who I am he agreed with that would be all right. He walked before his faculty. I could tell that he was nervous as hands were shaking in his face was extraordinarily white and I heard him say I'm not going to say much about Jim Curran today because at the beginning of his talk, he does a thing called self disposal.I really didn't know how I was going to do that. I was reminded to that this was important when my daughter made her first trip home from third grade. She walked into the house. And dad. Do you know who my teacher is this year? And I said no honey. I don't and she said it's mrs. Brown. I Knew by the tone of her voice wasn't going to be a good year by the middle of September. She was talking about Old mrs. Brown by the end of September. It was old fat mrs. Brown by mid-october. It was mean old fat mrs. Brown and when ugly got in there at the end of October. I thought I must get over to school and check it out while the child was absolutely right this look to me like I mean ugly old fat lady and I said Carrie, there are some people you just have to learn to get along with that's all the year didn't get any better and then came the last day of the school year and is carry burst into the house. She said dad. Do you know what mrs. Brown did today and I said, no, what did she do? Well dad today. She wore jeans just like us other kids and she went down the twirly slide. It was the day of the school picnic and on that day the children learned who lived inside that body and they rather liked her. Mrs. Brown wasn't old unless you consider 40 An old and she wasn't mean and she wasn't ugly. She was fat. That's the truth. So if you'd hang on just for a minute, I'll tell you who I am. It was about 22 years ago that I elected to get married. I married a girl who's a registered nurse and she's currently teaching at the University from which I've just resigned after we live together for a year and a half. I thought it was time. We have a child and so I ordered one. I remember ordering a boy. I suggested his hair be blond and his eyes be blue. I suggested his IQ be 143 and then I whispered softly Lord. Let him love football. You see I've been a coach for a time and I really didn't want a boy who crocheted he understand that weld our became pregnant and we were delighted. I reminded her from time to time of the order. I said things like this, honey. Do you know how to give birth to a boy the you know how to control such variables as hair color. I reminded her one last time. I let her off at the hospital door. Are you clear on the order? I was teasing of course, but she didn't know that she was so nervous. She couldn't give birth to anything the doctor wrote false labor on her chart and send her home. So is a kind and benevolent husband. I took the pressure off. I said our he doesn't have to love football that allowed her to relax don't you see and just a week later. She gave birth to a boy. He's got blond hair and blue eyes. He's really quite bright and he hates football with a passion. He was in tenth grade when I said son, why don't you try it and you will be entitled to an opinion. He had an opinion after the first practice. He said dad. I don't like it after the second practice is that I think it's the stupidest part they've ever invented and after the third practice he announced for our whole family to hear you. No dad it just plain hurts when people swim their body into mine like that and in my wisdom I said Son now that you've started don't quit he stayed out and day after day. He liked it less his job on the team was holding the dummy while other people blocked it now, it's the day before school is going to start Chris is doing his job religiously a huge lineman block the dummy Chris fell over hit the ground and broke his arm. He was the happiest kid in Southeastern Minnesota. Now, he's got a reason to put football and quit he did. Have you seen a child when they're injured they'd like to have you notice he would walk directly up to people and hold that cast. Hi. They would say how did it happen? And he said it happened in football. Was it a crushing head on tackle that saved the game for the home team? I was holding a dummy say it's a little hard on a boy one year later. We ordered a girl to match and we got Carrie. She loves football wouldn't you know, aren't you pleased for what's happening in schools today where girls get an opportunity to display their skills, as boys have had for years. I think it's only Justice carry is an excellent swimmer. She must have been 8 years old when she was swimming in the local sand pit. She came home with her wet bathing suit on took it off late it on the bathroom carpet. How many of you have children who do that now, you know the water that was in the suit runs into the carpet and it hides in there. I went rushing in she was off stockings on and I stepped in one of those cold wet places how many of you know water does run uphill it runs up in your sock. And then if you slip your shoe on over that it doesn't get dry all day. It's the little things in life that really bug you to isn't that true. How many of you guys in this room have ever come to work with stockings on and no elastic around the top have you ever done that and all day they walk down into your shoes for you gals. It's like playing jump rope with loose. So you get the idea? Now it's strong feelings about dealing with children. We ought never say to a child do this or don't do that. If you haven't learned already all that does is give the child too much power don't you see then the child can upset you at will by doing the opposite of what you said and smiling bar better that you would be advised to tell a child. This is how I feel about what you've done and this is what I'm going to do about it. I went looking for Kerry to practice my new psychology and route to find her. I noticed her paper dolls were scattered all about her living room floor. That was the last straw when I found her I towered over her and you might have heard me say this Carrie when you leave your bathing suit on our bathroom carpet and your paper dolls on our living room floor. That really makes me mad now the next time I find your bathing suit their I'm going to hide it and the next time I find your paper dolls, they're in the wastebasket. They go it's as simple as that. She looked up with those big blue eyes and she said dad this week. It was my week to clean the dining room. When I started on the table your files were laid out all over now. The next time I find them there in the wastebasket they go and and then she added it's as simple as that how many of you have children of your own raise your hand. Oh, I'm so glad you didn't get this next little boy ordered. I ordered a boy with brown hair and brown eyes and we got Paul now, are you aware? When your third child in the family? You think you don't need to do anything? He didn't walk. He didn't talk. He didn't go to the bathroom in the right place. He just sat in the middle of our living room floor pointed and grunted and had for people to meet his every need don't you see if I didn't do it his mother did and if one of us didn't the older kids did for 18 months is kids that I'm getting concerned. I've said to my education friends, I think we should get his mind testing. Then one night I'm taking care of me sitting in his usual place directing traffic. As an obedient servant I went to the shelf and I accidentally grabbed the wrong thing. I turned to watch the child do this. Huh? Oh, his mind is just fine. We had a family conference and we voted to stop serving him. He got up walked off and muttered under his breath. Damn it. I had a good thing going and now potty training time starts and every daddy in this world gets involved in that we lift this little man up onto that thrown in the bathroom fat little phi's clap right together his little apparatus that straight up and everything. He did fluoride out over the edge of this to land on the floor now, that's one thing when your home but when you're visiting that's a myth. That's all there is a creative lady. She taught him to sit backwards on the stool. I wasn't long he could to to up there all by himself picture this if you will one Sunday after church were eating dinner down at the Hubble house at mental Minnesota went halfway through the water and hors d'oeuvres pollen ounces dad. I have to go to the bathroom Chris. Would you take your brother to the bathroom? I'd like to talk to you mother for a while. No, he wouldn't mind and two little boys totaled off to the bathroom. They were going for an awfully long time while they were gone the entire restaurant filled with people and then it happened to little boys came running back one of them naked from the waist down and they were shouting so everybody could hear Dad Dad Paul flushed his underpants down the toilet now why in a time like that? Do they have to holler dad there must be something. And the baby of our family is a brown-eyed brown-haired girl named Pam. She would be so mad if she knew I was standing here today referring to her as my baby. She is 15 years old. She would tell me and the other day in Milwaukee. I introduced her as if she was 14 and I thought I would never hear the end of it, you know, there's a tremendous difference between being 14 and 15. Well, that's my family. Is there anything else you'd like to know about me? It used to be if I would travel this far to give a talk. My mother would meet me at the door. She would look me right in the eye and she would say do you have on clean underwear with no holes how many of you know why mother said that it's in case you get in an accident? Can you imagine two doctors after examining you at the emergency room, did you notice he had holes? That's who I am now. Why did I come here today? Well, I came here to do what I do every place I go I Came one to share enthusiasm with you raise your hand if you agree with me enthusiasm today is in short supply. You know, I have more and more trouble finding anybody who's really fired up about anything and I've really pleased when I can come off to a group like this and see some folks who are really enthused and really happy. I think I know why I'm Suzy azzam short now. We are told to America to save things. We're supposed to say of gasoline and save electricity and save all this. Do you know what if you try to save enthusiasm it disintegrates it goes away. The only way you can keep it is to give it to someone else. I would like to just enter into a bargain with his with you like this. I would say I will give you every bit of enthusiasm I have if you would be willing to share some back with me is that all right? I said that last night in Milwaukee Wisconsin to a group and I told them I was coming over here to Northfield Minnesota to talk and if they would be willing to share some enthusiasm with me, I'd bring it here. I heard someone say well, I need all the help they can get over there in, Minnesota. Just so that you need to know I'm going back to Milwaukee tonight. I'll be speaking over there and one of you will see me afterwards and just tell me I'll sell I'll pass it on. All right, my second job is to give advice. Would you raise your hand if you've ever given advice in your life, would you raise your hand again? If you've ever violated your own advice? It's so easy to tell other people how it ought to be and it's so hard sometimes to do those things yourself some of you are going to sit here and listen to me and you're going to say he must be really neat. He does those things he talks about. Well, that's not true. I keep trying to do the things I talked about but I fall so far short, I'd be embarrassed to tell you just exactly how far short I fall giving advice as a perilous business in that people will believe you do it the second danger and giving advices this I can be responsible for every word I say but I don't even know what you're going to hear. Would you raise your hand if you've ever said anything and someone heard something different from what you said? I think it happens Daily. Doesn't it picture this if you will Kathy Anderson is five years. Then when she introduces herself, you might hear her say this I'm Kathy Anderson the doctor's daughter other times. She says, I'm the doctor's daughter Kathy each time. She mentions Daddy's occupation. And I think you know why it gives her just a little push with her friend's mother noticing that took the child aside honey. When you introduce yourself in the future. Why don't you not mention that his occupation? Why don't you just say, I'm Kathy Anderson, forget all that other stuff. Okay. Mommy. She said the next day in her kindergarten class. There's a substitute teacher. She doesn't know the children at all and as her eyes drift up and down the rows. She finally lands on one little girl. She thinks she recognizes. Can you hear the teacher say aren't you? Dr. Anderson's daughter and a confused little girl said well always thought I was but last night. My mother told me I wasn't No, I'm not at all. Sure. That's what mother said but that's what the little girl heard and for her that's reality. I know that those two dangers exist and still I'm going to plow right ahead and give you advice now. You know who I am and you know why I came it seems to me we need only one more thing to have a reasonably intelligent discussion. We need a common starting place. You know, what's going to happen this noon? If I start here and head off that way and you start here and head off that way. We're going to waste our time mine and yours and I don't want to waste time with you rather than why don't we try to start in the same place and head off in somewhere near the same direction. Do you see that is a sensible thing for schools to do wouldn't it? Be nice? If every teacher coming back to school this fall would start at somewhere near the same place as those students who come in from this from a summer vacation. I do not believe that happens. I think all too often the notes that I used last year will be adequate. So I start here that's where my notes are but you see kids come in from different situations from vacation sometimes from her. Sometimes from jobs and they're starting here if that teacher would spend a day or two days or even a week getting on the same what the kids call wavelength then I think something could happen in our classrooms. I believe that human beings are Priceless and precious the most important commodity on the face of the Earth. How many of you agree? I'm really glad how many of you Bells remember putting a scratch in the family car. How many of you remember what he said when you brought it home to explain what happened? I'll bet what he said indicates clearly that human beings are more important than cars. Most husband say this honey is long as you're all right. It doesn't make any difference at all. And if he said that don't kiss him, he's the prince he'll turn into a frog as sure as I'm standing here. I walked into my cabin a year ago July. The phone is ringing I pick up the receiver and from a thousand miles away. I hear the sound of my son's voice is first words. Guess what Dad? How many of you have kids old enough to know if they start with guess what you better sit down because he's probably going to say the air bag in the car Works Chris. I won't guess because whatever I guess be worse than what happened. And he said well Dad as I was cruising to work this morning at five miles an hour. I cruised into the side of a Midland Co-op oil truck from a thousand miles away I said, how is your car? I'm the guy who goes from coast to coast saying human beings are more important than cars and to my own son. Whom I love dearly I say, how is your car? He said that I've been to your lectures. And I thought good for you son that's called wisdom. When you put your knowledge to work. Isn't that true? How many people do you know right now who have two and a half tons of knowledge but not a shred of wisdom. Yeah, and a lot of them teaching college don't they and you know, some folks who didn't have an advantage for all that learning because they couldn't go to school, but they seem to know where every single fact fits. Do you know who they are? A lot of times they're working as maintenance people are janitors or something like this. They know how to fix things almost inherently. Point two I believe that children are human beings how many of you agree with that? I'm really glad how many of you have five year old children are they human being is there anybody in this house who has never shopped in a supermarket with a five-year-old boy anybody who's never done that you really should do that before you die. I've been told when you get to the gate you need something to complain about and almost guarantee that will be it, you know shopping with a five year olds traumatic and psychologists recognizing that invented something to keep the child busy. We called it a cart. Our theory is as mother goes digging through the groceries the kid could push the cart that works just fine in theory in practice. It works like this mother takes ten steps down the aisle. The card comes right up the back of her legs and you who your average American mother turn and say That's okay, honey. You're a human being if you ever hear a mother say that would you get her name and addresses and it on they turn and say you idiot and then mother pushes the car while the kid acts like an idiot. Isn't that true? If you tell them how they should behave they'll do it every time and how many of you know that Grocers aren't dumb either they put everything a kid might conceivably want on the bottom where they can see it marshmallows crackerjack chocolate chips. Now, they've moved yellow down there the typical three year old kid can read yellow in this country. Thanks to TV. Isn't that TV? A remarkable teacher? How do you spell relief and there are American kids who think you spell cheese KRA ft. Can you imagine them and if you think you've won the battle in the store wait till you get to the checkout counter there you're confronted with what two shelves of candy and gum mother is tired. The little boy is desperate the clerk wants to make matters better. She handful add one stick of gum and mother says in her sternest own and what do you say? And a little boy says charge it. They know they've been there two questions for you to consider. Just listen and answer them in your own mind. Number one. What is a child? Is being a child a function of age or is it a function of attitude? I'd like to suggest a child is a human being who has not yet reached his or her 94th birthday. Does that get everybody speaking in Lone Rock Wisconsin little old lady stood up right in the middle and said I've got one more year being a child when I clasp Margaret dunbar's hands in mind and looked into her eyes. I knew the child in her was still alive. She had that mischievous Sparkle in her eyes, and that smile told you you better watch both her hands because one might end up in your pocket and if she can get anything that belongs to you that's her excuse for keeping you there. She needs company. What a delightful person this last ball Margaret was 96 years old her friends said honey. We're not going to let you live in an upstairs apartment anymore. It's going to be too hard for us and it's going to be too hard for you. We'd like to move you into the Rest Home there. She shared a suite of rooms with her two older sisters one was 99 one was 101. It was the end of November last year when the oldest of those three girls died. I went to be with Held her hands in mine. I knew there was a child operating I said, I'm sorry about your sister. She said oh she died, and we're kinda glad we needed the space. It made it much easier for everybody around to know that death is a reality and it's a part of life. She had accepted it. She heard a lot and she isn't that flippant at all. She's just saying that's the child in me raise your hand. If you know anybody in this country who is under 40 years old who has led the child part of him died. They don't feel they don't laugh. They don't cry. They don't know fear. They don't know anger and I'll tell you straight out these children that your rejoicing in The Jerk invention are bored Silly by the adult in these people. They want somebody who feels they want somebody who can let the child out to touch the child in them. And I would like to recommend to every single person who touches the life of one of our youngsters that you let the child in you live question 2 how important are our children. I would like to suggest that's all we have. We don't have anything else. in December of 1978 our house burned up or down which does the House burn it burn very badly. Most of what we had accumulated in terms of antiques and appliances were saved by a volunteer fire department. You're here celebrating volunteers and I have a special place in my heart for volunteers in fire departments four degrees above zero one o'clock in the morning 35 men show up in a small community and help someone that they barely know save appliances out of a burning house. It was the spring when I'm hauling some of that furniture out of the garage and some of it is badly scarred. But now I look at for children without a single scar on their bodies and I say to myself it really doesn't matter. I really don't care what happens that furniture when those children aren't scarred. It's always God Is it true? I could send you the rest of the afternoon until you platitudes about how in show how important children are I think one story will make it clearer than all those platitudes walk along with me to a small Southwestern Wisconsin Community. I'm going in for the fourth time. It's a cool crisp October morning as I walk through the door teachers great me inside three of them. They are matronly and they're concerned about their Community Jim. They said would you speak with John? And I said, I will I'll speak to him at noon. No, you must speak to him before noon. My said he won't even stay that long. Something terrible has happened. We found John he teaches sixth grade. Here are some things you would notice. He has a big smile relatively long hair strong calloused hands John I said, could we speak? He said sure let's eat lunch together. I agree. The morning session wasn't very good. I wasn't pleased with what I've done. I don't think the teachers were real happy. And then came the lunch hour. I picked up my food. Just as you did a moment ago. John picked up his we walked into a small office. You would call it a counselor's office. I put my tray down he put his down I took his hands in mind. And I said John they told me something terrible happened. Yes. It did. He said it happened back in September. I called my wife from school. And I said honey. If you will have things ready. We'll drive on into Richland Center tonight and get a load of sawdust. We'll have to hurry, you know, there are no lights on the wagon and we have to be back before dark. She got everything ready. She could manage she wasn't physically strong enough to pull the wagon up behind the Jeep when he came home blinded by haste. He grabbed the wagon. He jerked it up behind the Jeep and he dropped in the drop in then he slid in on his side the driver's side. She on her side the Riders aside, they both assumed their three-year-old son. Michael would be playing in the back of the Jeep. He started the engine. He shifted into its lowest gear. He slowly release the clutch and he drove ahead just 36 inches right across the chest of a little boy who had seen a kitten under the Jeep and he didn't want the kitten to be hurt. You know as well as I would a mother and father do now they scooped up the body of their child and they drive at Breakneck speeds to the nearest hospital 70 miles away there inside the emergency room door. They hear the hardest news that human beings ever have to hear the child has been dead for over an hour. If you think that was a long trip to the hospital you try to imagine how far it is back home and there he said the silence in the house that night made it impossible to sleep. I was just overwhelmed. I think I'm a really good helper of people, but I certainly don't know what to say at this moment. I called on some teachings that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross gave me she said you got to use the word hurt. John is that the hurt now I said and he said no that isn't the hurt now at all with the help of my pastor. We've accepted the death of my boy the hurt now is this I come into this building in the morning teachers will be gathered together in groups of three or four as I walked toward the group. They turn one at a time and they walk away. You'd think I had leprosy he said and then he jerked one hand free from mine and he slammed it on the table and he said isn't it enough that? I've lost my son. Do I have to lose every friend I've had to There is not one person sitting in this room who doesn't understand why those people turn and walk away one. They don't know what to say when somebody hurts that much too. I'm afraid that you might see tears in my eyes and we still live in a society as hard as we've tried which believes that tears are a sign of weakness that probably has never been true probably will never be true if I have the strength and courage to cry before you that maybe my way of cleansing out my system and we need to do that rather than store up all that pain. I wrap my arms around this man and we stood for a long time the food didn't see him one bit important. I'm ready for the afternoon session to begin. And now it's beginning the group is about as large as we have here. I'm standing here. John is right here where Dale is I'm saying to this group. I think I understand why you turn and walk away, but it doesn't give you a right to hurt our brother John as I talked to man got up from way back there where you're sitting and he walked down this outside. I'll it was dark enough that I couldn't recognize who he was until he got really close and then I recognized him as the football coach here at both arms around his next door neighbor hold him tightly and he said I've been wanting to do this for six weeks. I just didn't think I could Several tiers and that audience gave rise to a feeling of Oneness each one of us knew what it was like to hurt and then John step forward and he read something that I'll never forget. It's entitled this son of mine. This boy was sent to me by God to bring me joy and happiness and in three short years. That's what he did. Michael made us happy when he and he listed three specific things. This child had done and after he had done his job God chose to take him away and were really glad we had Michael for these three years. In that room that afternoon we became so close as we rejoiced and having known in some small way a three year old boy named Michael. How important are our children I'm going to suggest they're all we've got. .3. I believe we're all different. How many of you agree with that? And still if you get to be two different lists Society, someone's going to come along and put a label on you and they're going to assume they know all about you. Is that true? I am so irritated with labels. Do you get that way if we can just label a kid handicapped then we'll know about him, right or if we can label a kid from a broken home. Then we'll know about that child or we can label a human being black then we'll know about that person or Indian and do you know that my field is perhaps the biggest culprit of all when it comes to labels, do you know how many labels we've got an education now, we have learning disabled and we have dyslexia and we have a thousand others raise your hand if you are learning disabled in any area There is not one person in the world who isn't learning disabled somewhere point for I believe we can change and change for the better for as long as we live. How many of you agree with that? And if you just raised your hand how many of you are changing regularly? That's the most important part not to say we can do it but to do it and there are so many people today who refuse to change because do you know what it means? It means giving up everything that you're familiar with if you change one thing today the world from this moment on is not going to look the same as it did yesterday and that's frightening for some folks. I really want to encourage everyone who touches the life of my children to get into a growth process. One reason why and there are thousands one reason is this if you should ever get sick you have to grow well, and if you don't know how to grow or change when you get sick, you're a hopeless case. So practice growing and changing when you're well and then when you get sick and someone comes and says you can make yourself. Well, you will know how to do it. I'm trying to change regularly. How many of you agree when I say you can't change somebody else. I taught seventh grade for nine years. I thought I was a good seventh grade teacher. I thought I could change every 7th grader who came to me. Do you see that? I'm bigger than a typical 7th grader and I had the power of the teachers are given from the school board in my ninth year of teaching. I had a boy come in that I wanted to change. His name was Russell. I'll tell you one thing about him. He had tripled Bo he had breath odor body odor and barn odor and they were so neatly commingled. You really couldn't tell where one ended in the next began. The other kids wouldn't sit by him. And when I asked them why they said he breathes on me. I'm going to change Russell this year. All of you here know that odor isn't an English Department that's in health physical education and Recreation we deal with speech and writing. It's one of Russell's speech habits. I want to change he begins every sentence with the word God damn it. Like I give a spelling word and Russell says God damn it. I didn't even know that was in the list how many of you understand why I can't have Russell saying that first. I find it offensive. I don't approve of that kind of talk. Secondly if the other kids here and go home and tell their parents what Russell said in my class, you know, I'm going to get credit for it. I went to Russell and explained why he wouldn't be able to say that in my class. He was good for 25 minutes and then he slipped back. So I threatened him. He was good for a half hour and he slipped back again. I told him I choked him. He said God damn it. I don't think you'd have the nerve. I pleaded with him. Can you see a grown man pleading with a child? I'm down on my knees saying please Russell don't say that in my class. Say it in the restroom. Say it out in the yard, but don't say it in my class. You understand for two hours. He was good. And then I pronounce the word Buffalo and I heard Brussels a goddamn but I can't remember if there's one ever to oh Russell. Now you've done it you will have to stay after school tomorrow night. Tell your parents to come in and get you we had to give a one-day warning you see because some rural parents weren't prepared to come in and get their children and that same day. I was prepared in my office. I had are awake out on the desk. I had the window open just as far as it would go. I moved the only chair in my office to the farthest Corner hoping Russell would sit there. He came Boppin into my room much too happy for kids staying after school. He grabbed that chair and moved it real close to me. His knees were pressed right against my thigh and he breathed right on me. I mean, it was awful. We sat there for 45 minutes and I'm thinking to myself as his mother never coming. Then a woman appeared in the doorway as I recall. She was a tall woman messy hair dirty face red clothes calloused hands her shoes look like she just walked in out of the barn. What would you say? I said you must be Russell's mother. She looked me right in the eye and she said God damn it this better be worth while and I said this conference is over and she said the hell it is she looked at this little kid and she said you tell this man your schedule he started to talk and he told how he got up at five o'clock in the morning and how he went down to the barn to help his dad with the chores and how they usually finished by 7:30 so he could go out and catch the bus. He said I usually don't go back to the house. I wouldn't be there if that woman lived there. Believe me. He told how he stayed in school till 3:30 and then rode a bus home. He got home at 4:30 stopped at the barn to help his father. Usually he said if nothing breaks down we finish about 8:30 I go in the house and mr. Kernan I get a bite to eat and usually after I've eaten I go straight to bed because goddamn at five o'clock comes awfully early in the morning and I thought I don't work a schedule like that. And I don't think I could I think I died and this little kid 12 years old. Does that every single day of the week? Do you know what occurred to me? I'll bet he sees Monday through Friday as easier than Saturday and Sunday because he is a rest over there at that school. I didn't have time to think beyond that Mother's opened her big mouth. Again. If Russell should do something to displease you in the future. You beat him. You buy them you sit on them. You kick him you do whatever you have to to get him to do your thing. But God damn it. Don't give him after school. I promised. I'd never again keep him after school. I left that small Southeastern Minnesota community that year. I went to Wyoming for four years. I went to Michigan for a short time and when I came back to Winona, I was invited to Stewartville now to teach the teachers I had once taught with I'm early for my first class session. I'm walking down the street toward the restaurant and they're in front of the cafe. I see a young adolescent male. I've no idea who it is until he speaks. Well Goddamn it Kern. I haven't seen you for a long time. Some things never change. .5. I believe in my heart that how a person feels is at least as important as what a person knows how many of you agree with that. If I do one thing to have you feel good in my presence, you will allow me to be your teacher. Is that true? But suppose I do one thing to cause you pain or discomfort or I intimidate you or I hurt you. How will you how will you receive me as a teacher? Your clothes your mind you will close your life and no matter how hard I try after that hurt. You won't let me back in it's true for you. And I it's true for every child in America if we will be aware of how a kid feels we will get permission from the child to be that child's teacher. There's a character on television this year who's teaching children all across America his real name. Is Robin Williams. He plays the part of Mark and I think the kids feel real comfortable with this man that they see so flippant and so loops and how many of you have already found that Mark teaches our children. The uses words they use his actions. I think the same thing can happen in classrooms. I really do and now a word to all my friends who have never been to a teacher training institution. Would you agree if I said there are some folks in our schools who have never trained to be teachers who influence how children feel how many of you would agree that the bus driver influences how children fail and how about the cook and how about the janitor and how about the secretary and how about the teacher's aide and the lady who launders the towels? You know, I probably done 600 workshops for teachers in these last two years and two only five or maybe six have these beautiful people sometimes called non-professional been invited have I said one thing today that a typical bus driver wouldn't understand have I said one thing that a cook wouldn't understand. We don't need to talk in esoteric terms that they don't understand that all we can say it straight and I suspect that's the essence of good teaching to take complex things and say them so straight that every person in the world understands. I had experience with bus drivers. Maybe I can share one. How many of you remember when one of your children made his or her first trip home from third grade. I'm Excuse me from kindergarten. Remember Chris came home. He announced this. He said that from now on in our house will walk up the stairs on the right hand side and down the stairs on the right. I said, what are you talking about? And he said mrs. Paul said if the building catches fire, we don't want any collisions on the stairway. I didn't have the heart to tell him if the building was burning. Nobody would be going up. Gary came home. Just a year later. Her eyes. Are this big? She's so demonstrative. Dad. Do you know what happened in our school today? And I said what happened and she said Dad we had a fire drill. Do you know what that is a buzzer rings and everybody runs outside ODed. The building wasn't burning it's just pretend but the kindergarteners are really lucky before the buzzer rang. God came on and told us where to go wasn't God at all the principle announced over the intercom. I love to tell that story when principles are present because some of them think they're God anyway, Tim's been practicing going to kindergarten for five days. Now, how does a child practice going to kindergarten? Well, he sets his lunch bucket up where it's accessible and he walks by and practices grabbing it. So when he gets to school, he's got what's important food August 28th. Now the bucket is full. He kicks. He just grabs it and he kissed his mother and he runs to the curb. He gets there 45 minutes early remember and mother picking out through the curtains at oh dear. He will be dirty. Even before the boss Zhang's she's right. He wrestles in the grass. Now the bus is coming he picks up that bucket and he stands there at the curb. No one could have explained to that child how large that bus was going to look and then the door opened it's unlike any door. He's ever seen before in his life. It kind of squished together and made an area sound he stood in awe and wonder he heard an impatient male voice say get in sit down and shut up. He'll get in what's that kid going to learn in school today? Who's he riding home with tonight? And when that little boy gets home. He's probably going to say Mom. I don't think I want to go back to school tomorrow. Mother will have an image of an awful teacher but it's not the teacher at all. It's the first person in the morning to touch the life of a child and the last person I touched the life of a child from the school a person whom we effectively excluded from most of the programs like this where they could learn how to deal with children. If you've ever had to deal with kids the next time you visualize the job of a bus driver, how would you like to handle them with your back to them? Sitting down and driving a vehicle. There is no teacher in America wears a job that hard. How many of you agree with the cook influences how children feel? In Blue Bell, Pennsylvania. I met a 56 year old woman. I like to ask questions. I walked right up to her. And I said, why do you cook for the school? She looked right into my eyes and she said because my husband died. I thought the woman had a hearing problem your husband died. Yeah, when he died, I needed a job knew how to cook knew how to clean didn't want to clean. Made perfect sense now she's doing what she loves to do. The teachers said you must watch this woman hand out the food. It's a miracle. I watched the children came by and each one heard his or her name. Hello, Billy. How are you? Hello David. You missed a week your back, aren't you? Hello Mark. How's your mother and Along Came Sally age? Five? No front. Teeth holding her plate high and I heard the cook say Sally how many peas would you like that? Little girl wasn't going to be misunderstood when she said one. I was given one off the top wouldn't you? Not this lady she ran that spoon right into the bottom of the kettle and when it came up there was one p delicately balanced on that spoon and she laid it out on Sally's plate and without cracking a smile. She said be sure you eat it all now that little girl turned and walked off with success right around the corner success is the essence of any educational experience with a child if a child succeeds, they'll be back for more. How many of you agree if that child should ask for two peas tomorrow? That's a hundred percent Improvement in one day. How many homes in America will this happen in tonight? How many moms and dads will put food on a child's plate and then say and you sit right here till it's all gone. You know how long that might be the kids sitting there when she's 1920 be as honest as you can be how many of you remember hiding food when you were a child. How many of you had a dog who eat it for you? If you could just get it off the table and remember what your mother said think of all the poor starving people all over the world. And you said send that damn Spanish rice Asia, see if they leave it over there. So these things are Universal how many of you remember my telling you about? My son hitting a trap. Do you remember that back in the beginning of this talk? I told you he was going 5 miles an hour and some of you sat right in this room and laughed. How do you think that made me feel I didn't come all the way from Laramie Wyoming to tell you lies. He was going 5 miles an hour. I've tried to encourage him when he drives his car. He should look out a window in the same direction toward which the car is moving never stop the kid before he's driving this way looking out the side window. That's bad for your mental health, right? Well, he didn't notice the highway patrolman standing right in the middle of his lane giving him this signal and giving this signal to the truck driver. How can you get in touch with the feelings of a patrolman who looks under his arm and sees the white Mustang coming right at him with the driver looking out the side window. The man would have to be insane to stand here. Don't you think he backed up about four steps and right there in front of the patrolmen my son hit the truck. Is there any question about whose fault that is Chris is given a ticket and now he'll have to go to court how many of you know what the court system is. That's a place in America designed to have you feel better about yourself. And if you believe that that's proof enough. You've never been there. If you go into court feeling that good about you. It's often crashed. Even before your name is called isn't that true? We have a cord in Winona that changes some of that the judge is probably responsible. His name is Dennis Schilling. He leaves his Riverboat home on a Harley Davidson motorcycle and he drives up to the courthouse and puts on the robes. And he's the judge he believes in a Thing Called positive constructive restitution simple terms. If you do something which damages what belongs to me, you should have a chance to make it right instead of being punished. How many of you are aware that punishment baguettes just one thing Revenge? Well, Chris comes toward the bench and the judge said I wish I had a dollar for every mistake. I've made you could almost hear my son go the judge went on to say if you make a mistake and you destroy what belongs to somebody else. You should have a chance to make it right Chris. Here are three ways you can make it right with Midland Chris chose one. Thank the judge turned took his father's hand and we're walking from the courthouse. I could almost feel what's going on in that boy. You know Dad judges are okay courts are okay Highway patrolmen are okay dads are okay and most importantly one. I'm still okay. I'm a human being who's made an error now. I have a chance to make it right and I don't need to go back out there in society and do something else wrong, which will bring me back into court within one year. Are you aware of the statistics one out of every 100 kids who come into court this year 65 to 70 will return within one year. Why because they're punished here and now they have to go out there and do something else to prove. They're okay. They get caught at that and they're dragged back in opens. Number two stupid, huh? Raise your hand if you've ever made a mistake. Raise your hand again if you've ever learned from a mistake you've made. You see the last time you made a mistake. You probably Illustrated you learning by saying this. Do you remember you said Well, good. I'm smarter now. I need to make it clearer for you. Don't I? How many of you've ever gone to bed in your bladder was too full and you knew it but you thought you could make it through the night remember because the floor is cold. There's a long ways to the bathroom. Well, it's three o'clock now and you haven't shut either eye and the pressure is getting greater. And you know, you're not going to make it so you slide out of bed on your side. So as not to disturb him or her and you don't turn on the light for the same reason you started around the end of the bed visualize your foot just for a minute. It's a heavy object that fragile toes out in front somehow in the darkness of that room. Those toes can always find the leg of the bed and you kick it real hard. You remember what you said right there? How many of you said Well good. I'm smarter now. I'll bet you didn't feel an urge to kick it again and see if it was still there and I'll bet if you made the same trip later in the night you missed it by 4 feet is that true lady out in Las Vegas said sure did kick the dresser with my left foot if you've got a kick everything in the room. You're a slow learner. I'll tell you. Well, let's review. I've said human beings are Priceless and precious children are human beings. We are all different. We can change if we want to and how we feel is at least as important as what we know how many of you agree with all five. Then we start in the same place and now I'm prepared to give you my talk. I told you Dale I would do this. I really came to give you three things that you can take into your convention won't take very long. But I'd like to have you practice receiving as I practice giving, you know, and I know that receiving is harder than giving there are lots and lots of folks in the world who just can't receive it. All you compliment them. They water it down. You try to give them a gift and they're embarrassed. And so I would like to have you know that if you will receive these gifts today, you're receiving will be a forum for you to give to me and I'll go to Milwaukee tonight and spread the joy that you shared with me. If number one for every one of you is the gift of life. I'd really be remiss if I didn't say there are lots and lots of folks walking around today who aren't alive at all. They don't smile. They don't laugh. They don't feel they just have given up that very precious life in the name of existence. Is it you I've learned that there's a fine line between life and death some of you learned it too. I remember so well. I remember so well a precious man who left my life not long ago. It was my father when my mother called from Belle Fourche South Dakota and said he died. I just heard all over. I really didn't have a chance to finish the business, which was so important. Maybe just saying. I love you. I hung up that receiver just cold and weak and I walked into the hallway. And I thank God I found a person. I'm Wally Johnston and I was able to say while they have just learned that my dad died and he didn't say how old was your dad and he didn't say has he been sick long? I didn't need to think I needed to feel and he helped me by saying it really hurts when your dad dies. Doesn't it? And knew he understood and I knew he cared and I knew he'd stay with me when he invited me into his office where I cried and I slammed my hand down and then he said I think your son's ought to see you like this and they'll know when they hurt they have permission to cry. I remember going home at 4:30. I walked into the kitchen and there stands a sixteen-year-old boy right across the kitchen from me. I remember his first words dad. Something's wrong, isn't it? And I said yes, Chris something is wrong. I've just learned that your grandfather died and he said oh good dad. Oh good now he'll hear all your speeches. And I thought wow that we could live like that. I remember the first time my dad heard me speak. It was a commencement address at Viterbo College in La Crosse, Wisconsin. He's that right in the middle of the room about I hi. I noticed during the talk. He yawned a lot and every time he yawned you let his thumb go up toward his eye or he wiped away some of the Dust I suppose that accumulated in the crowd. It wasn't just the on the stage at all. And after the talk is I was mingling with some of the 2,000 people present. I felt a strong hand on my arm. This man had laid cement block and brick all his life and it even hurt. I turned and looked into two blue eyes completely filled with tears and I heard this man say son. I think you ought to do that more often. And I was able to say yes, Dad. I love you too, because I think we need to hear the messages that some folks can't say, but they want so badly to say. That's my second gift for you today. It's the gift of love. I'm not going to stand here behind this microphone and say oh so many folks are saying into microphones today. I love every one of you I don't love every one of you I don't even know every one of you but my guess is if we could walk a step or two together if we could exchange names and just for a moment share some feelings the love between you and I could grow. I think it's preceded though by knowing somebody and I believe firmly in my heart that the more often we come to microphones and just say I love every one of you we cheapen the word and I'm not going to do that. It's much too precious. I've tried I haven't succeeded in making it clear between my children and I and this business of love. I remember a rule I passed in our family some of you have done these dumb things to I said to my children with my friends are visiting in this house don't you kids say bad things about me. And Paul looked up and said dad. Then when our friends are visiting don't you say bad things about us. I said, it's a packed some we did real well for a long time and then one of our varsity football players came to our house to visit. I thought he came to visit me Paul thought he came to visit him. He sat right through his bedtime. You don't go to bed when you have a guest in the house. It's quarter past nine. Now. I look into two brown eyes. And I said Paul. I guess you didn't mean it when you said you'd be in bed at 9:00. I guess you told me a lie. Are you a liar Paul? And this little guy who usually hugs his daddy often kisses me and says, I love you. Sometimes tells me a joke so that I don't have nightmares walked from the room. Not one sound. It's 20 minutes later when I walk into his bedroom, and I walked into a scene that so many of you parents are familiar with I'm so good with words. I ask this clever question. What's the matter Paul? And he looked up through those tears and he said dad you said that right in front of Mike. I didn't want to have a little boy see me cry, so I pulled his body really close to mine. You know what that does. It sticks his face out there and Never Never Land and I can cry right here by myself. I forgot where I put his mouth right beside my ear and I heard this little guy half whisper. Hey Dad, don't worry about it. I still love you. I want you to hear what he did. He forgave me unconditionally for violating my own rule before I even needed to explain. Food and gift is a gift of laughter raise your hand if you know with me that we don't laugh enough anymore and we have Mental Health Association to go around the world not promoting laughter, but promoting programs come on, I travel from institution to institution now and as I go around I don't see enough laughter. Would you like to take a little trip? You can stay right in your chair. It won't be tiring will go first to Leavenworth, Kansas inside that Penitentiary. I'll see the most hardened criminals this country has to offer. Is there laughter in Leavenworth? You bet if they can pull a prisoners arms through the bars and ties risks on the other side the rest walk by and laugh at his discomfort and I say wait a minute. We don't need any more of that and then I go to our schools are schools overrun with laughter today how many of you know if kids laugh regularly in the classroom, there's often a principal coming down the hall saying lot of laughter going on in there. Not much learning. I'll bet raise your hand. If you know with me that kids can learn while they laugh come with me to church has laughter in churches. Now, when was the last time you laughed uproariously as you said in your pew I'm preaching in Fountain Minnesota. There's a Lutheran congregation there. I took the microphone and walked close to the people. I remember my first question. When was the last time you people applauded for the organist? You could hear a pin drop on carpet any place in that church. I ask that woman to stand up behind her organs. She's a little woman only her head shows above the top. How long have you played the organ for this church has said and she said 16 years 16 years and nobody's applauded. That's right. Why was the saddest thing I've ever heard. I suggested that the congregation applaud today. You should have heard what happened in that church. It was a piddly little thing. I said you should be ashamed if she played like you applaud you'd have left church a long time ago now do it right this time when they applauded those Rafters just shook and the organist sat down the glow from her face lit up that whole Corner the congregation got so excited. They applauded for the sermon they applauded for a little car templates and during the offering and when they realize they wouldn't be there at the end of the postlude. They applauded even before it was over. I'm standing at the door greeting people here comes that little organist her little hand is out. My big hand is there thank you so much. She said I said it was my pleasure walking behind. Her was a student. I taught seven years earlier. I didn't realize she was in the congregation. I wrap both arms around her and hugged her tightly and I heard the little organist behind me saying I'm going to get back in line again and everybody laughed and we knew just for a moment what the fellowship of Believers truly means. You don't need to be so sober. Is it true the final place? We could use a little Afters in our hospitals. Kelly the noises you hear in hospital sure don't contribute to getting well, I think if I were sick, I wouldn't go there. You know what you hear that's enough to kill anybody even have signs on the wall. Have you seen him quiet please? And we don't let children in there. The only funny thing that happens in hospitals is how the nurses talk. You know, you're lying. They're getting better and she comes in and says, how are we feeling? We it's the first engine head that she is sick. I think it was one of the Milwaukee Brewers was in the hospital and here comes this nurse in this hand. She's got a glass for a urine sample in this hand. Cranapple juice. That's all you get there. She handed them both to him and she said, you know what to do with these and she turned and walked out. He's had enough. He took that cranapple juice and pour it right in the other one now. Can you see that poor dear when she came back in? Glass real high and she said my we are a little red today on. He grabbed it out of her hand and drank it and he said yeah, let's run it through for another try that was reported that he got better and She fainted right there on the spot. I think it serves her right? I really do. It doesn't hurt you to laugh. Not one bit. Well Dale, how do we close this road Showdown? I'll bet you've asked yourself a thousand times. Why do I keep doing what I do? I bet you've asked that as a parent. I'll bet you'd ask that as a volunteer. I bet you've asked that a lot of times. I think I found the answer in my reading it's a parable it has to do with the mother Eagle whose nest in this tree over here is collapsing and her three babies are going to be endangered. There's a secure Nest over there across the lake and the cliff she will carry them one at a time to that secure Nest as she carries her first Eagle. She asks a question and how will you treat me when I'm old? That eagle said mother when you're old, I'm going to treat you just as you treated me. She opened her Beacon dropped him in the lake. She picked up the second wiser still and if she carries him she says and how will you treat me when I'm old and this Eagle said mother when you and father are old I will treat each of you as you have treated me. She dropped that one too. The third Eagle wisest of the three is asked and how will you treat me when I'm old this Eagle said I really don't know how I'll treat you when your old mother, but I know that I'll treat my children just as you've treated me. And she carried that one to safety. There is not one of you in this house. Who does the beautiful things you do so that one day you might be repaid. You do the beautiful things you do so that hopefully there's a generation which follows you and which follows me which won't have to live in a world of fear and hatred and bigotry and Prejudice. You hope with me that our children will know the joy that we have sought will know the happiness that we keep reaching for and we'll be able to live a life. So fulfilled that life and love and laughter are ever present gifts. I'm really glad you let me come. Thanks a lot.