The Morning Program with Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor hosts The Morning Program with skits on lawn care and sex tips. The newscast includes the Apollo 13 moon expedition news, which had a problem explosion and includes Mission Control actualities, including the famous "Houston, we've had a problem."

The following transcription was created by codeMantra, LLC


GARRISON KEILLOR We've heard the first two movements of Mozart's Serenade No. 9 in D Major, the Posthorn Serenade, members of The Cleveland Orchestra conducted by George Szell. It's now 10 minutes before 8 o'clock. Sunrise was at 5:31 this morning, sunset at 6:57. 37 degrees right now in the Twin Cities, Alexandria 32, St. Cloud 32, Redwood Falls 36, Rochester 34. Highest today in the 40s and storm moving in from Dakotas tonight, bringing perhaps some heavy snow at least to the Western part of the state. Music at 9 o'clock, The Toy Symphony of Leopold Mozart, works of Marcello, Schubert, 3 Military Marches for 2 Pianos", Chopin, including his variations on Mozart's Aria "La ci darem la mano", the Symphony No. 3 of Carl Nielsen, Studs Terkel at 11. His guest is William Glenesk, Minister of the Judson Memorial Church in Brooklyn Heights in New York.


The Band - "Rockin' Chair"


HERB MILES (GARRISON KEILLOR) “When is the best time to begin working on my lawn?” “How do I aerate my lawn?” “What fertilizers or herbicides should I use?” “How can I prevent accidents from people stepping on upturned rake teeth?” These and other questions are answered on 'Principles of Lawn Care.' Hello, this is Herb Miles, University Extension Lawn Specialist, and I'll be back in just a moment with some expert advice on getting your lawn into shape.


Jacques Ibert: Parade, fr. Divertissment from Un chapeau de paille d'Italie


HERB MILES (GARRISON KEILLOR) When is the best time to begin working on your lawn? The fact is you should never stop. Even during the winter you should be checking to make sure the snow isn't too deep over the grass. Keep from 2 to 2 inches of snow on top and shovel off the rest. But let's say you are just starting work on it now. The first thing is to rake the lawn four times, once in each direction, that is to keep the blades from bending. Be sure to put the rake away after use to prevent accidents from people stepping on it. To prevent from walking into trees in the dark, you paint the trunks with luminescent orange stripes. Now as to fertilizers, the secret is not to use too much. Follow the directions on the package. It is always the best way anyway. For weed killers, we recommend the use of either two 4L, S3 dieldrin or X41L9 inaudible, both of these tested in Vietnam for six years and proven non-harmful to human beings. Both of these also include green dye to make your grass look more lifelike. One precaution, if you do use these herbicides, don't drink water from the tap for three days after a heavy rainfall. Aerating the lawn is a means of allowing the soil to breathe. Take a sharp stick, make small holes every square foot or so every day, for about the first month. Many persons ask what to do about blade cracking. They notice some blades of grass is split down the middle, turning brown at the edges. This is a result of careless mowing, and for best results use a non-power lawn mower or if you must use a power mover, mow slowly and have somebody go along in front with a broom, sweeping the grass up straight for an even cut. I've heard that some listeners are having to battle grass eczema, turf rot, it's also called as plant disease that turns grass orange and there really is nothing to be done about it, except flailing or whipping. Simply take a whip or a big club and beat the diseased grass into the ground and when it grows back out, beat it again, keep doing this. This is Herb Miles, University Extension Lawn Specialist.


Jacques Ibert: Nocturne, fr. Divertissment from Un chapeau de paille d'Italie


HARLEY PETERS (GARRISON KEILLOR) “How can I kiss better without being vulgar?” “What's the answer to sweaty palm problems when holding hands?” “Is too frequent self-abuse a bad thing?” “How can I put new life into my marriage?” These and other questions will be answered on Love Tips. Hello, this is Harley Peters, University Extension Sex Specialist, with a few ideas on how you can be as pure as a driven snow, as pure as that is these days and still have fun, back in a moment.


Jacques Ibert: Parade, fr. Divertissment from Un chapeau de paille d'Italie


HARLEY PETERS (GARRISON KEILLOR) Lot of people write and say, “You hear a lot of stuff nowadays in favor of love and sex, is this true? I don't enjoy it very much. Is there something wrong with me?” Most likely, the problem is lack of information. Many people just plain don't know how to go about it. Let's begin with kissing. Kissing is a lot more complicated than you might think. There is the problem of where to kiss, how long or the duration of the kiss, whether to talk while kissing, the problem of controlling the moisture content of the kiss, and the problem of withdrawing or the release motion of kissing. Practice is the only way to learn. You might practice kissing the tips of your fingers or send for our free booklet '51 Kisses' written by Department of Agriculture Specialists. The sweaty hand problem is a sticky one. Generally, it indicates nervousness, and the trick is to keep changing hands. If you're sitting on a sofa, you'll have to move over to the other side. You can learn to do this quickly and unintrusively. You can even make the shift while you're kissing. Now, moving on to self-abuse, unfortunately, we don't know nearly enough about this. There doesn't seem to be a direct relationship between self-abuse and insanity, but all the figures aren't in yet, and it is possible that those abusers, who did become insane, went crazy for other reasons, but one can't be sure. Again, the problem of marriages going stale is a problem with technique. Find the technique that accomplishes what you want and then master it. For example, sadism has put new life into some marriages, but it isn't necessarily the answer for you. We do have a little booklet on sadism, in case you're interested. Other couples have found satisfaction in a hobby or a craft. On the whole, a marriage grows stale because of a lack of surprises. And some wives have tried standing on a chair behind a door and jumping on their husbands when they came home from work. It's worth trying once or you might try sleeping under the bed, which will engage your husband's interest perhaps, and this may lead to new things. Keep it moving. Be different. Be mysterious. Do weird things. Send for our pamphlet, 'Weird Things To Do In Your Own Home'. If necessary, fain unbridled passion. Chase your husband around the house making low growling noises in your throat. On the other hand, a dull marriage may be your cup of tea. There isn't one answer for everybody. The giant tortoise makes love only once every 35 years. There may be a lesson in this for the rest of us. Think about it. This is Harley Peters, University Extension Sex Specialist.


Jacques Ibert: Finale, fr. Divertissment from Un chapeau de paille d'Italie


GARRISON KEILLOR Well, I hope that helped some of you it's 4 minutes past 8. We'll look at the news in just a moment, 37 degrees right now in the Twin Cities.


ROBERT CONRAD This is Robert Conrad speaking from Severance Hall in Cleveland, and inviting you to listen to the concerts of the Cleveland Orchestra, heard each week on this station. This week's program will be under the baton of associate conductor, Lewis Lane and will feature the Prelude to Irmelin by Delius, the Violin Concerto in b minor, Op. 61 by Elgar, 3 Poems of Henri Michaux by Lutosławski, and the Polovtsian Dances from Prince Igor by Borodin. Assisting will be violinist Jaime Laredo and the Cleveland Orchestra Chorus.


ARTHUR HOEHN Join us Tuesday evenings at 8 o'clock for the stereo broadcast concerts by the Cleveland Orchestra, presented exclusively throughout this area on these noncommercial stations.

GARRISON KEILLOR This is KSJR 90.1 from Collegeville. 37 degrees in the Twin Cities, high today should be about 48, Alexandria 32, St. Cloud 32, Rochester 34, 35 degrees in Duluth. High temperatures today across the state, in the 40s. The Apollo 13 spaceship with three astronauts aboard is headed for the moon, but on an emergency maneuver that will take it around the moon and back on course towards the earth for a splash down Friday morning, probably in the Pacific. Last night, shortly after completing a television broadcast to earth, the command ship Odyssey was shaken by something, an explosion in the service module or perhaps a collision with the meteorite. Whatever it was, within three hours, the space ship was without power and the oxygen supply was dwindling. Here is what we heard on earth:


ASTRONAUT JIM LOVELL Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a MAIN B BUS UNDERVOLT.

CAPCOM JACK LOUSMA Roger. MAIN B BUS UNDERVOLT. Okay, standby, 13. We're looking at it.

ASTRONAUT FRED HAISE Okay. Right now, Houston, the voltage is--is looking good. And we had a pretty large bang associated with the CAUTION and WARNING there. And as I recall, Main B was the one that had an amp spike on it once before.


CAPCOM JACK LOUSMA 13. We've got lots and lots of people working on this; we'll get you some dope as soon as we have it, and you'll be the first one to know.



GARRISON KEILLOR At that time, Apollo 13 was on a course that would have swung it into an orbit around the moon. So early this morning, the crew fired the descent rocket for 31 seconds and put their spacecraft into what was called a 'Free Return Trajectory', which will simply swing them around the moon and right back toward earth. Right now, James Lovell and Fred Haise were in the two-man lunar landing module while Swigert remains aboard the command ship, which has been darkened to conserve power. The Director of the Space Center, Chris Kraft described how they were using the lunar module as a sort of lifeboat because their command module had run out of oxygen and power, and he said that Mission Control will be able to get them back safely if nothing else major goes wrong.


CHRIS CRAFT It appears we've had some kind of accident in the region of the fuel cells and the oxygen tanks. We have not tried too much to reconstruct the, what has happened because we're more concerned at the moment for getting the situation under control. As you have seen, we've begun to use the LEM as a device for keeping oxygen in both the commanding service, command module and the lunar module, and we're using the power system from the lunar module. It appears at the present time that everything is under control and that we have a safe situation at the moment... If the situation remain stable as it is at the moment, there is no question about what, we have the thing under control, and we can return the crews safely to the earth. Now, we're going to have to make some compromises and procedures as how you do that, but that can be done. We've got a number of different ways of doing things like re-entry. If we couldn't, for instance, get the platform up we have the, what you call, the Entry Monitoring System. We can enter a constant G if we had to with no Entry Monitoring System. If everything remains as is, we can get them back successfully now, If there were some change in the status of the lunar module, then that might that might mean something else.


GARRISON KEILLOR The Director of the Houston Space Center, Chris Kraft. The two spaceships still locked together will fly behind the moon tonight, when they emerge at about 838 our time, that will be another 4-minute and 20 second burn of the main engine, that is on the lunar module to speed up their return to earth. When they reach earth on Friday, the lunar module will be jettisoned. The three astronauts will re-enter the atmosphere in the Odyssey using emergency batteries for power. Splashdown is now scheduled for about noon, our time Friday, somewhere in the Southwest Pacific.

The talks continued on the Minneapolis teachers' strike yesterday, but apparently did not get any place. The talks were hung up on the 'No strike law' with the School Board unable to come up with the way to get around the strict penalties, which the law demands for teachers who go out on strike. For one thing, the law says that any teacher who goes out on strike is automatically fired and cannot return to work unless he is willing to work for a year at the lowest possible salary or rather cannot be given any salary raise for one year if rehired. A taxpayers group in Minneapolis is forming to go to court if necessary to enforce the 'Anti-Strike Law'. Meanwhile, the President of the Minnesota AFL-CIO, David Roe, has here recommended, non-teaching school employees honor the picket lines if the strike is not settled by tomorrow. The schools had been reopened tomorrow, but there is doubt that they will be. The Non-Certificate Personnel, the Teaching Personnel without certificates were supposed to report to schools today. Talks between the School Board and the Federation of Teachers were disrupted for 3 hours last night because of Federation of Teachers said the representatives of their rival organization in Minneapolis Education Association should not be present. A hearing is scheduled tomorrow in District Court, on a motion by the MEA to permit its members to observe the MFTs picket lines. Members of the MEA say it is unsafe to run schools with so few teachers and very little teaching went on during strike days' last week when the schools were opened.

About 2600 students are expected to be bust to school this morning, in Manatee County, Florida. Despite a week of highly publicized stalling tactics by Governor, Claude Kirk, the Desegregation Plan as prescribed by US District Judge, Ben Krentzman of Tampa will take effect this morning. Teachers in Los Angeles have said they will stay away from school until their demands are met. About half of the 25,000 teachers did not report for work yesterday. The city is still trying to keep the schools open for 650,000 students. Vice President, Spiro Agnes spoke at a Republican Fundraising Dinner In Demoine, Iowa last night. He called 'Open Door College Admissions Policies', a threat to the "Natural Aristocracy of Intellectual Achievement". Agnes said that American Universities must not lower their standards of excellence to achieve "Social Goals" for which they are ill-designed and ill-equipped.

The Executive Director of the Air Traffic Controllers' Organization says the controllers will be ready to move airplanes today. F. Lee Bailey told United Press, he thought, the Air Traffic System around the country could return to normal, no later than the end of the week. He said that as far as he was concerned, the deadlock was broken; however, the walkout is still apparently not over in Minnesota. The regional control center at Farmington, 12 of 31 controllers have reported in sick; however, that is fewer than the number that usually did not go to work last week.

The second phase of the SALT Talks, the 'Strategic Arms Limitation Talks', opened Thursday in Vienna. Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev said today, the Soviet Union would "welcome a reasonable agreement with the US on limiting the Strategic Arms raise." He says Russia already has weapons capable of restraining any aggressor. The Soviet negotiator for the talks arrived in Vienna this morning. He said, Russia will take what he called, “a business like and constructive attitude toward the conference.” The American delegation will arrive in Vienna later today.

The newspaper strike threatened for New York did not materialize this morning. The Newspaper Guild postponed its walkout, which had been scheduled for 6 o'clock this morning, Eastern Time, against New York Post, after separate talks by mediators with management at the Post and the Union, the Guild deferred its plans. If they had walked out, it could have triggered a shut down of New York's four major newspapers. United Press Correspondent, Merriman Smith, called the Dean of White House News Correspondent, who covered 6 Presidents, nearly 3 decades, was found dead yesterday in his suburban Virginia home of a gunshot wound, apparently self-inflicted, he was 57.

A journalist, Seaman Apprentice, goes before a court martial board in Washington today. Roger Priest is charged with eight counts of encouraging military man to desert, commit sedition, and trying to create disloyalty. He publishes an antiwar newsletter. The case of Brain Wells, who burned draft board records, is expected to go to the Jury today in St. Paul. Wells is a junior at Mankato State. He was the only defense witness in his trial for setting fire to the Nicollet County Draft Board Office in St. Peter. Wells is 21, he is charged with the destruction of government property and inference with the administration of the Selective Service System. Fire took place in January. He said he set the fire because he couldn't get results from his legal methods to avoid the draft. The government called a dozen witnesses including Colonel Robert Knight, State Director of Selective Service who said there were no inductions from Nicollet County in February or March, as a result of that fire in January.

The United Auto Workers Union has urged immediate enactment of an Anti-Pollution Law, making the discharge of mercury and other toxic substances in the public waters a felony. A seven-man delegation from the Union went from Michigan to Washington today to urge Federal Authorities to head an investigation of sources of mercury and other contamination of the great lakes. And the conservation director of the United Auto Workers Union, Olga Madar called on Governor, William Milliken in Michigan to immediately halt the discharge of mercury into the Detroit River.

The forecast from Minnesota, variable cloudiness in the East today, otherwise cloudy over the entire state today through tomorrow. A chance of snow and a little bit of rain in the West tonight and over the entire state tomorrow, with a chance of locally heavy snow in parts of the Northwest and West Central parts of the state late tonight or tomorrow. It'll be a little bit warmer in the South today, about the same tonight, a little bit colder in North and West Central Minnesota tomorrow. Highest today in the 40s and lowest tonight from 28 to 36 degrees. Partly cloudy skies in the Twin Cities today, a high of 48, a little bit warmer than yesterday. Cloudy with a little change in temperature tonight and tomorrow, with a chance of showers tomorrow. High today 48, low tonight 34 and the high tomorrow 48 degrees. Right now it is 37 degrees in the Twin Cities and cloudy sky in, excuse me, in St. Cloud 32 and cloudy, 32 in Alexandria, Rochester fair and 34, Duluth fair and 35.

It is now 18 minutes past 8. I was planning this morning to talk by phone with Marvin Davidoff in Minneapolis; Marvin Davidoff is has been working for over a year now on the Honeywell Project as it is called. A project which you may have had the impression, I had the impression was organized to protest Honeywell's production of particular war weapons including the anti-personnel bomb as it is, euphemistically called. A movement, an organization, which actually has a much broader purpose than that. I didn't have time, I was supposed to call Marvin earlier this morning and wake him up at about 7:30, and I didn't get around to it. So I think I'll put that off until until tomorrow. Call him and tell him I'll put that off until tomorrow. Music until 11 this morning, Studs Terkel at 11. His guest is William Glenesk, Minister of the Judson Memorial Church in Brooklyn Heights in New York City. At 9 o'clock, works of Leopold Mozart, Marcello, Schubert, Chopin and Carl Nielsen--Nielsen Symphony No. 3.


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